Elizabeth. Queen Elizabeth. Queen Bea. You are undisputedly the Alpha female (second only to me of course!), the leader of the pair, the one Sam looks to for confidence and guidance and support.
But I see you. Slowly I am starting to see you.
You started out here like you owned the place. A Queen entering her palace, missing only the red carpet welcome. You were confident, approaching people that you didn’t know very well for a fuss, claiming a place on a sofa and staking out where things like food lived.
You are so much more confident than Sam, seemed to fit into a home life like you were born for it (and I believe you were, racing was no life), happy to cuddle in, toilet trained easily, walked beautifully on a lead, reacted well to all other dogs, enjoyed a treat (never snatched), a fuss, loves a grooming session (and a towel dry after a walk!). A dog you could rehome 100 times over (if the 99 homes were stupid enough to give her up…).
But the more time I spend with you Bea – the more I see you. The things you maybe don’t want to be seen. The brave face you put on things. Your bravado, your determination. You couldn’t race as long as you did without the attitude you have to life. But there are now the backward glances – are we still there? The slight flinches or flattening of ears when you aren’t sure. The move slightly closer or the slower walk.
You are home now. Your forever home. Do you know that? Are you letting us in more and more?
It would be naive to think that you could be kennelled and raced until the age of 6 and a half with no issues. They don’t manifest in the way Sam’s fear does – you try so hard not to show any fear. But I see you.
Do I see you because you are comfortable enough with us now to let us see you? Do you know it’s ok to show some weaknesses or fear now? Do you know that we aren’t going anywhere and we aren’t going to take advantage of your fears – that all we want to do is help you with them?
You are the goodest (yes that’s a word!) of girls (let’s just not talk about 4.50am). You stand quietly for breakfast, go into the garden whenever it’s suggested, go to bed without any fuss, cuddle in and snuggle up to people. You are compliant in all the ways it would be expected of for a good house dog, especially considering how new you are to a house from kennels. How much of that is wanting to please us? You always look at us and look for an acknowledgement that you are still doing the right thing, that you are still our best girl. Are you scared of perhaps not quite doing the right thing?
You’ve spent your whole life with little to no choice of what happened to you. This makes you a bit funny with choices – you don’t enjoy “training” times as much as Sam does. Being called with a “here” or sent to “bed” you don’t like very much, and when you do the commands it’s with a look. You’ve spent your whole life with strict boundaries and you aren’t sure what to do with these ones. Do you wonder if you aren’t wanted just because we are suggesting “bed”? Are you expecting some form of punishment of you don’t comply?
You don’t like people that run – your ears flatten and you hesitate or slow right down when joggers are in the area. Why is that? It’s ok, you are with us, nothing is going to happen to you there.
Travelling in the car – you travel so well. A boost into the back of the Disco and you lie down quietly, not a peep. You come when you are called to the car now – this has taken some time. You used to run when you realised you were going in the car – back to the patio doors to be let back into the house. Was a vehicle the way you got taken to and from races? Did you associate that with the car? A car for us is fun and adventures, it’s a way to ensure you can come with us – we want you to come with us and enjoy the trip. A bimble on a beach, a coffee in Bute Park, a visit to friends. You are learning the car is not a bad thing, starting to associate it with an adventure with your family and always coming home to your bed for cuddle. Always.
Within eye sight. That’s how you like your humans. If you wake up and we aren’t in the room, you hear a frantic patter of paws until you have found us. You love to be with your people. Are you still scared that we won’t be there one day? I promise we will. And if we aren’t there at that point – I can promise we will always come back. Follow us and come with us because you want to, not because you are scared you will be left behind.
The stairs in our house terrify you. You can do stairs perfectly well elsewhere but these make you tremble and shake. Do you remember when you first tried them? The first weekend you lived here and you panicked because I had gone to the shop and Joe had gone upstairs – you tried to scramble up after him and fell down four steps. Enough that your confidence in them is totally shaken and you don’t want to try them. We work on it – we did a couple of steps up today – me and Joe and you and Sam supporting (and trying to eat the pate cubes). Racing you fought for yourself all time – you don’t need to do that anymore because you aren’t on your own. There’s me and Joe and Sam – we are a team, a forever family. No one needs to deal with anything on their own – we are all in this together. Because that’s what love is.