Sam loves his little big sister Bea. They are not just siblings by adoption, they are actually related. They are half siblings with the same father – not that you would believe that to look at them and not that they are aware of that. They just know that they have us and each other and this is the family unit.
In true big sister fashion she alternately loves him, plays with him, tolerates him, tells him off and looks after him. What she does always, without even realising it, is teach him things. It’s something I didn’t realise the full extent of until recently and now I’ve noticed, it’s a fascinating thing to observe.
Some of the things she has taught him are qualities that are very funny but perhaps things I might wish he hadn’t learnt with quite so much enthusiasm!
An attempt at mimicking the BeaTrain is one. Bea is a small girl who loves to run through your legs, or stand between your legs and lean on one of them. This is ok if you are if Bea height – a SamTrain is taller and wider and altogether destabilising if you are my not very considerable height!
The chorus of crying or barking during the mid afternoon witching hour. Bea can always be relied on to start some form of noise, Sam now listens out for her and joins in. He always looks slightly surprised when he does make noise at that point, like he is not quite sure where it has come from but it elicits a response back from Bea and so on it goes! This also follows on to barking at the humans when they aren’t giving exactly what the woofers want at that point in time.
Where to stand when food is being served. Sam used to spiral in and out of the kitchen, reluctant to approach the people preparing food or even the bowl itself. Over the last couple of months, he has learnt from Bea that the place to stand is right at the hip of the person putting food in bowls – that’s the prime location for a cheeky piece of kibble or to collect anything that happens to fall to the ground. He takes the left side closest to his bowl, Bea takes the right side and the people are flanked. Following on from food, Bea likes to inspect Sam’s bowl to check he has finished his meal like a good boy – Sam now returns the favour and checks Beas bowl. Both of them end that check disappointed – never a crumb left.
The most effective way to use the paw of more. A nice smack to the leg or a kick in the side is a sure fire way to remind the people you are there and in need of some fussing or food. Coupled with a bit of a head nudge, this is approach generally has a 100% return on what is desired.
How to start to play – loudly and muddily. Neither of the dogs are much into toys – Bea likes to alternately kill or cuddle Nancy the unicorn and Sam is starting to chew a minion (that is not a dog toy but he found it and likes to chew it sometimes) but they aren’t really bothered about them. The garden however – Bea has loved to run and bounce on the grass from day 1 and she has been trying to get Sam to play with her from the start. She has slowly worn him down and he now lies in wait for her at the top of the patio – ready to receive his orders as to who is “It” in the game of tag today.
I jest about these things but it’s a fascinating thing to watch on a day to day basis in their interactions with their environment. I can try a hundred times over to convince Sam something is good or safe, and as much as he now trusts me, my word is nothing compared to Beas.
Take the morning walk for example. Sam likes to have Bea in sight – he will walk ahead but turn his head around to see where she is. He likes to check where she is and if he is going the right way – Bea picks a particular route depending on the weather and her current mood! He takes his cues on behaviour on a walk from her – if she walks past something and doesn’t react, he doesn’t react. His ears may flatten slightly and he might be a bit uncomfortable but he follows her through situations he is clearly not keen on, and it gets better every time he does it. This applies to just about everything – amusingly even if he spots a cat that she doesn’t, because she is walking calmly on, he resists chasing and follows her. This also has the opposite impact where she spots something he doesn’t and he gets very excited but he’s not sure about what!
The last year has been a learning curve for both of them (as well as us!) and they have both done so well – every day something new. Bea faces it with her usual curiosity, eyes bright and ears pricked, head slightly to one side as she works it out. Sam standing a step behind her and watching and learning from her. Showing him that people aren’t something to fear but can be fun, that the games have food when you play with them, that the garden doesn’t need to be a place of scary noises but a place to play, that walks are an adventurous sniffari, not something to be suffered through. I cannot give enough credit to either of them – Bea for being so brave and bold and sharing that with Sam, encouraging him to step forward into family life with her and Sam, for being so brave and trying so hard, trusting Bea and slowly trusting us.